I never claimed to be perfect...and that may be why I am still single at 30. I saw a clip of a group of comedians called the "Apostles of Comedy" not long ago, and one of them was talking about Christian dating and how hard it is. He said, "There's always that one guy that's looking for 'Bible Barbie.'"
Boy, can I relate to that.
So why is it so hard to find a good match when you're on the online dating scene? The easy answer is that we don't give people a fair chance; that we skim over the introductions and the primary photo (if there is one) and make a snap judgment. Some "experts" would say that we need to exchange a few emails and get to know the person before we decide if he or she is our kind of dating material. Well, I am no "expert," but I will say that for Christian dating, the introduction page is critical in properly presenting oneself. First impressions are everything, whether we like it or not, and this is where the deciding factor is made over whether or not we wish to communicate with the person.
For guys, I have noticed that the one key factor is the photo. Sound piggish? Well, guys are visual by nature, and they usually make that snap judgment based on the photo alone. "But that's generalizing," you may say, "and not all guys are like that." Okay, there is the occasional diamond in the rough that actually read my profile fully before contacting me. But the vast majority of emails I get from guys (I would say around 98%) start out with, "Hey, you look great," "Love the pic," or something similar. If they bothered to type anything more than, "Hey, you look great, let's chat," it's a miracle.
On the off chance that they did manage to type more than that, however, I look for telltale signs that they actually read my profile. Why? Two reasons, actually. First of all, I am looking for a solid Christian man. Too often I find profiles of men that say they "believe there might be a higher power," or "I think there might be a god," or whatever. Okay, well, the demons believe in God, and tremble. What I am looking for is a solid, born again Christian that actually walks that straight and narrow path, and I can usually tell in one or two emails (or by their description alone) whether or not they are. Bottom line, if they're walking the walk, they will be talking the talk.
Second of all, I have specific guidelines laid out. I do not ask for much to start with, and no more than I can bring to the table. I generally set out an age guideline (within 2 years younger than myself and up to 5 years older). I also look for someone that is a born again Christian, never married (I am still saving myself for marriage, so it's only fair), no kids, non-smoker, and someone that either never drinks or drinks very rarely, like a glass of wine on a few holidays or something. I didn't think that was too much to ask, but I have yet to receive communication from anyone that fits the criteria. Occasionally I will chat up someone outside the age range, but only if they fit the "born again Christian" requirement. Alas, the only men I seem to get emails from are the ones that are divorced, have kids, smoke, and/or drink. Or, if they don't do any of that, it'll be someone that is not a Christian. And I am most often contacted by men that are 15 years or more older than me. (Insert big sigh here.) For a while, I thought I was being too picky. I mean really, who lays down pre-requisites for dating? But then I asked several of my closest guy friends, and they said I wasn't being picky enough!
I wanted to get to the bottom of why I wasn't getting quality matches, so I went over my profile many, many times, often asking opinions of others. Then I thought that maybe it was because I'm not pretty enough. "Don't be silly," I often told myself, "after all, most guys that contact you start out by saying you're cute or pretty." So, okay, I did something a little bit sneaky. I searched for realistic-looking pictures of blondes, brunettes, and readheads, settling for pictures I found on little-known advertising sites. I made a profile for each picture, and just to up the ante and see how guys would respond, I made up some pretty wacky information for each profile (like making one of them a Reformed Baptist Calvinist just because the option was there).
The results? The blonde (the Reformed Baptist Calvinist) received over 100 emails in just a few short hours. A few of them (like, maybe 5) were curious about what exactly a Reformed Baptist Calvinist is, but the rest of them commented on how beautiful "I" was and that they would love to get to know me better. Very few of them offered any icebreakers for the "getting to know me" process, and fewer still had provided any information at all on their own profiles. When I started this experiment, I did plan to reply to any emails received, in order to be polite and not discourage anyone from contacting others just because one person ignored them; however, the volume of emails received on the blonde's profile was too overwhelming to respond to everyone. A lot of them received an automated response. The brunette and redhead profiles weren't quite as overwhelming, but since they were cute girls, they did receive a lot of emails. Also, like the blonde, the majority of the emails first commented on how cute the girls are, and there were only a small handful of guys that got past the looks department.
Myself, I never received 100 emails in a few hours, but I do okay for not being a model. I generally receive a fairly large amount of emails after first creating a profile somewhere, then it tapers off. If I ever do get past the "Hey, you look good, wanna chat" stage and continue into a few more emails, I find out pretty quickly that most Christian guys out there are looking for "Bible Barbie." They want a woman that not only looks good, she has to have a substantial amount of money and be willing to move to their location. I have not yet found a guy that would even consider moving to my location. And as for money, well, once guys find out that financial hard times have forced me to rent a room from my parents' basement, that's pretty much the end of communication. As if it's my fault that there's a job crunch here and I basically have to take what I can get.
So what do you do when you've searched the Wild Web and come up empty? Here's an idea - go out into the real world and find someone. The few dates I have had that were worth anything were with people I met in real life and were able to talk with on a regular basis before going out on a date. Now, I'm not saying that you should give up online dating completely. I know a couple of people that married someone they met through an online dating service. What I do suggest is letting your online profile do its work, but get out more and meet people in your own area in the meantime. Chances are, you will find someone that likes you for your personality and not just because you're another pretty face.
And really, don't let being single bother you. Just continue serving the Lord, knowing that is your greatest work. If marriage is in store for you, it will happen. If not, take peace in knowing you possess the greatest gift of all - the saving grace of Jesus Christ.
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